The Courageous Change

 “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

Change comes in many different forms; sometimes it is forced by death, the end of a relationship, loss of a job or, at other times, it is chosen by one who wants something more than what is at hand. With that being said, change can be hard and painful, but accomplishing anything great in life requires significant change that pushes us beyond our comfort zones....

It has been some time since I last sit here and decided to write my thoughts out for the world to read. Looking back through the blogs of my past - the blogs that tell the story of a hurt, young man trying to find love, is overwhelming tonight. I do not know why, but I can tell you that Sheryl Crow sang the truth when she sung "The First Cut is the Deepest."  Scar tissue, now, covers the once bleeding laceration I healed and kept having cut open.  I think I began writing this blog as an outlet for my broken heart; reading back it is a story of someone who gave numerous chances to the wrong person - who continuously took advantage of him. But today I can say "Thank You" to the guy who broke my heart and shattered my world.... Through the depth of depression and picking up the pieces of the world you broke - I am stronger, braver and you gave me the courage to make the change that I was forever longing for. 

Forever longing for a different life... I was in a relationship that made me feel inadequate and lonely and, let's face it, I was miserable. I was working a mediocre job that was not challenging me, I was in a city that was not growing with the times and I felt I was bigger than what it had to offer. At the end of the day I wanted to explore what the world has to offer; to widen my horizon  When my relationship ended, I gained the courage to pick up and start over. I find myself in Charlotte, North Carolina; aka: The Queen City :).  I am working at a job that is challenging me - but most of all I get to experience all this change and explore the Queen City with my BEST FRIEND as my partner in crime. We are officially doing "The Hills" thing and taking our mid-twenties into revelations of great experiences. Lo and Lauren; Kim and Khloe; Paris and Nicole; Harriet and Verna. 

Looking back I was only doing what I thought I wanted, but now I realize I am right where I am supposed to be. I had to bring up the past in this blog in order to let you know where I am and how far I have progressed. I am so much better and happier than I was one, two years ago. I feel free, happy - and like I am me. I can ensure you that I am always adequate and have always be adequate. So if a relationship makes you feel unhappy more than being happy and makes you feel inadequate - leave it. Life is too short to waste it on a mediocre relationship; been there, done that.  I hope to use this blog to record my feelings and experiences about life and change and moving and growing up and growing old. So come on this new journey with me --- the rest is still unwritten.

moving day with my best friend: 7/18/15 - CLT bound. 

NEVER EVER SUBJECT YOURSELF INTO A RELATIONSHIP THAT MAKES YOU FEEL INADEQUATE. The following is an exert from an unpublished blog I wrote on November 08, 2014 - this shows how miserable and alone and, ultimately, how inadequate I felt with my boyfriend of 2 years. I, almost, do not recognize the person who wrote these sad words. These words and that experience made me the strong, courageous man I am today. Always, always live your life for YOU.


Wrote on 11/8/15: No one wants to feel inadequate, but the first time you feel inadequate you are going to work harder so you won't feel that way again. In terms of an intimate relationship inadequacy should motivate you to feel more adequate. It is almost like that saying that if you aren't scared of losing someone, then you should not have them to begin with. To love well and to love whole heartedly then once must use the feeling of inadequacy as motivation. With that being said, reassurance from your partner should be there. We all get so tied up in our own struggles that we, at times, take advantage of the hard work our partners are putting in. We all think relationships should be 50/50, but I am here to tell you that is rarely 50/50. I never thought I would find myself in the situation I am now; 24 years old and madly in love. I cannot put into words how I feel, but I can tell you that at times I feel crazy and stupid and confused and lonely and inadequate. Love is a cold and broken hallelujah. Love has ups and downs, but ultimately you rely on your lover to reassure you that your downs will not last forever. Every day I find myself more in love with his man and every day I am learning something new about this thing called love. It isn't always blissful and amazing, but that is the goal. In life and love we need reassurance that we are doing things correct and we are each striving for the same goals. In a relationship you have to work together as a team and when you aren't you are doomed for failure. 

“Life belongs to the living, and he who lives must be prepared for changes” – Johann Wolfgang

XOXO