Taking The Risk

   

   
     Love is all about taking chances... Life is all about taking chances. If you want a great reward you must take a big chance. Sitting here this evening I can tell you that I have learned that even though your life might not be where you thought it was going to be doesn't mean you aren't exactly where you're supposed to be. Don't we all want that fairytale ending? We all want to "live happily ever after". As I have mentioned before you must create your own happiness, because being happy is a choice. I will be the first to admit that having someone to share that happiness with and experience love first hand is an amazing feeling and that makes choosing to be happy one hundred times better. In the past 6 months of my life I have experience a plethora of emotions from being in a relationship that made me feel like I was on top of the world, being jealous, being happy, being heart broken, having my heart ripped out, being depressed, feeling hopeless, being confused, being lonely, feeling like I was not worthy, feeling like I was never enough nor good enough - I can go on and on and on. March started a dark time in my life, the lowest I have ever experienced, and I never want to revisit that time again.  If you've kept up with my story of losing love and being in love then you know how hard it was and has been for me. Being on the other end of that time period I can, now, tell you I am grateful to have gone though the experience. Am I crazy? No, I am stronger and more self powered having gone through that experience. You are not what has happened to you, but how you adapt and let what has happened to you power you. I now know more about myself and what I can go through. Let me put it like this -- having experienced the bad, depressing times I can now really appreciate the good times for what they are and some things you may think are bad are not. I have grown so much. I have realized so much about myself and so much about him.... I know what I deserve and I know that i'm not settling for anything short of it. I never thought that two months ago I would be sitting here saying I am so thankful for my heartbreak and going through what I've been through. Now about that fairytale we are all searching for... It does not exist. This is life, REAL life. You can make what situation you are in into your own version of a fairytale, but things aren't great all the time. All movies with the perfect ending all starts with struggles and shortchanges.... It is still possible to have a happy ending.

     Being in love and being able to love takes you taking the chance and taking a risk. My risk started last summer and I was brought to devastation in March 2014. All I wanted, while my world was crumbling at my feet, was to bring him back into my life and work on our relationship and just be happy and in love. I ended a relationship with someone I was in love with and quickly realized it was the wrong decision (or so I thought then), but I found myself fighting for love and hoping that love wins in the end. I had so many people tell me to move on and that "time heals all wounds", but the pain was unbearable. I never thought I would be in this situation and I never thought this situation would rock me to my core. Love happens and you don't get to choose who you fall in love with. I was lucky to fall in love with him. Maybe it was the wrong time and wrong situation, but it happened and I am fortunate it did. A brief synopsis of my life now: I choose to stay with a job here, locally, because I am truly happy here. He and I have found our way back to each other and are working on what we have. I am so in love with him and we have both realized that you cannot let something go that continues to hold your soul. When I first started writing this blog I assumed if given the chance to get back together with him I would in a heart beat. Currently being in that situation I did not realize how approaching the relationship with a jaded view would be hard.

     Giving your heart to someone makes you so vulnerable and vulnerability is one of scariest human feelings,.... I believe. I have decided to take the risk; love is worth fighting for. Is it scary? Beyond. I am so scared that I am going to get hurt again and he is going to break my heart and that I am going to revisit the dark place in my life, but love is worth the risk. He is worth the risk. It brings me to tears to set here and write how much I am in love with this beautiful man. He captivates me and spins my world on a different axis. He is amazing in every aspect, and is enough; he will always be enough. I am in love with the darkest parts of him, because that is raw and real. He has the biggest heart of anyone I know and would go to the greatest length to help someone out. I am in love with everything about this man to the way he smells, to the way he snores, to his saddest moments, to his phenomenal personality, to the way he loves me - to EVERYTHING about him. No one is perfect, but I can tell you the way my heart contracts with the single thought of him, to the way just his touch takes my breath away that he is perfect to me. He has saw me at my weakest and lowest points and so have I him, but that has made our love so much stronger. Our ending relationship and dark last few months was the best thing for me..... for us. It made me realize how much we belong together and how fighting for love is always worth it. It made us both realize how much we love each other and how in love we are with each other. Something always brings me back to him... The thought of loosing him is abhorrent to me now. I'm not sitting here and saying that we are perfect or that everything is great, but love takes courage and fighting for what you want comes with shortchanges. Being in a relationship is a struggle, compromise and involves working together to reach the greatest points in your journey together. I am so blessed to have so much in one person; my soulmate, lover and best friend all in one. He gives me light in the dark and faith when I fall. I believe he could conquer the world if he tried because he is that amazing. We all make mistakes. We all fall down, but life is about how you recover from those mistakes and how you get up from that fall. Turn your negatives into positives. I cannot say where we are going, but I can say that relationships take hard work, but when it is formed from love, pure - make you want to swim the Atlantic Ocean, breath taking, kind of love,  you will be willing to work through those hard times. Take the chance, it is worth the fall....

"Love alone is worth the fight"

XOXO